How It Began………
From the age of 17, I had suffered from depression and to try and rid of the inner demons. I had suffered depression on and off throughout my lifetime and it was often brought on by circumstantial events that caused my emotions to implode. In my younger years, i didn’t really understand myself too well and just thought that i was having a hard time and that i would get over it. And generally i did, but at times there were very dark days when i failed to see the light and the direction that i was going in. This pattern kept repeating where id feel well and then months later i’d experience the darkness. I learned to become quite resilient to my situation and accepting that i would have to go to my Doctor and seek support. I was given medication and had periods where i felt brave enough to stop taking them and i would manage for a while but these were far and few between and i always found myself going back to the GP as i was struggling without them.
In my late thirties when i decided to attempt at trying life from a different perspective. As always, there were the feelings of helplessness and desperation. It was one of the most difficult times of my life. My life, quite simply, fell apart. I lost friends, relationships, pets and my dignity. What i did find, was ME! I discovered meditation around this time in my life, desperate to feel normal, to feel human, normal and Me again, i turned to a practice that I now call upon on a daily basis. At first i was sceptical, but after reading a book – Louise Hay – You can Heal your Life, i decided that anything was worth a try.
I attended a Mindfulness Training Course, where i learned that i was impatient, tired and sceptical. I managed to sleep 45 minutes per day that i attended the training course, as i would fall asleep mid meditation and would wake myself up snoring. I left the course thinking ” What a load of nonsense” and off i sailed back into my life, without a single thought. However, this, was not to be and this was not to be why life sent me on that course. It wasn’t for wasting, thats for sure. It played into my mind and all i did was think… What if i could help me?!
Before long, i began to think ” What if it helps? How can i help myself?” So i started with what we call a Candle Meditation.
Candle Meditation – When you focus on the flicker of the flame for a specific amount of time. Beginners commence with 2 minutes and increase up to 10.
So this is how i started, by focusing on the candle flame for between 2- 10 minutes. At first i found it hugely difficult, I would see the flame then my mind would wander and id find myself caught up in my head. I then started to say ” FOCUS” each time i felt myself drifting and it was enough to bring me back into focus. This became easier the more that I tried it, and as they say, practice makes perfect. Once i started to master the few minutes of focus, then what i felt was what i can only describe as utter peace. I wanted more of this and the calm feelings that it brought. So from this, i then commenced my meditation journey. I have meditated to music, fresh beaches, wind, rain, piano sounds, binearal beats, drums, silence. I have meditated to the sound of my own heartbeat and breath and I have found a peace within me, that I can’t describe. What I can describe, is the clarity and focus that this has allowed me to have and the peace that i have felt. I havent needed anti -depressants for years. I will never go back! I have changed my mindset and my brainwaves to deal with my daily life in a different way. Knowing that set backs are temporary and that all we can control is the moment we are in right now. I have made a huge transition and you can too. Everyone is different and i understand that there are different mental disorders, illness, and there is a lot of research going on in our world. However scientifically, and from a neuroscientific, holistic approach Meditation is a healer and helps those that seek it. I wouldnt reccommend anyone to stop taking medication and i do urge that you speak with your practitioner first. This might work for me, but may not work for you, We are all unique. Mindfulness and Meditation is possibly something you can incorporate into your life and you will absolutely reap the rewards.
Here are some starter links to some meditation apps, and whilst some are free, there are some that you may have to pay a small fee for. I have tried most meditation apps and my favourite is listed first. Go, enjoy some inner peace
- Insight Timer
- Stop Breathe and Think
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